For about the last three to four weeks, I have really been struggling to write my thoughts out. What has always been so natural and easy for me has become quite an unusual battle. 

Normally, I can sit down and write out what the Lord speaks to me, or how I feel, even if it never goes anywhere, or no one ever sees it. But for about the last month, or so, I have sort of begun to feel trapped.

I almost feel like no one could possibly get it. No one could really understand how I feel or the situations that I face, so I stay silent. And the more I stay silent, the angrier I get. And the angrier that I get, the more I stay silent… 

It’s a vicious cycle that I feel so trapped in. They’re just words, on a paper… Right? Or maybe even, just words on a screen… 

But, here’s the thing that I know to be true. While I haven’t quite figured out a lot in my life, there are a couple of things that I have a good grasp on. A while ago, I learned a valuable lesson that’s found in the book of Proverbs:

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

Proverbs 18:21 NLT

Honestly, I don’t love to talk. And if you’ve ever sat in a room alone with me long enough, or ridden in a car with me, you likely already know this. I don’t mind sitting quietly most of the time. Silence weirds a lot of people out, but it doesn’t me. I really enjoy it. I know. I’m weird. 

The reason for my quiet personality? Well, most of the time, it’s simple. I understand that my words carry weight. And, I understand that there is power in my tongue. 

James says it like this:

“And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.”

James 3:6 NLT

Wow. This is some powerful stuff! 

The tongue has the ability to destroy so much. With one sharp statement, someone’s character can be called into question. With one quick accusation, a person’s whole identity can be ignited on fire.

The ability to tear someone apart or build someone up is found right in such a small part of our body. 

I want you to think about it like this:

When was the last time that you had a sore on your tongue, or inside your mouth? I have a really bad habit of chewing on the inside of my cheeks and if I do it long enough, eventually I tear them up and it’s so extremely painful. (Yes, I know how dumb this is, and yet, here we are…)

But here’s the thing I want you to think about. When you get a small cut or sore inside your mouth, it feels like a massive, giant, swollen, sore that has overtaken your mouth! Am I right?

So, you look in the mirror, or you ask someone to look at it, and it turns out that it’s the smallest, tiniest bump that’s barely noticeable! Come on! What in the world! How can something so small be so painful?

Here’s what I’m trying to get you to see today. Our mouth is such a small part of our body and yet, the pain we feel inside our mouth is magnified so great! In the same way, we can impact someone’s life severely with the release of just a few words.

So, I really wrestle with how to communicate some situations that have affected me because of how everyone else involved may appear or look. 

And because I feel like I can’t communicate about what I’m going through, I feel like there isn’t anything to write about. Like, in this whole world, if I don’t feel like I can express myself on my own blog, then what even is the point?

Here’s the point. There’s the power of death and life in the words that I speak, and I know that I’m going to be held accountable for every word I speak (or write, in this case). 

And for the sake of being transparent today, I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t always get this right. You can learn a lesson and know the right thing and still do the selfish thing. 

And, there are times that I am selfish and say exactly how I feel, regardless of whose life just got lit up. Because sometimes my flesh wins and my spirit-man loses. Sometimes, I just want to be honest about how I feel in a way that doesn’t protect others. 

But this shouldn’t be the case. Guys, we MUST do better. We should care about the people whose lives are interwoven into ours. We should care a great deal about them because God cares a great deal about them! So, when you tell your story—and I think it’s important that you do, make sure that you do it gracefully. When you speak about someone, display a hopeful attitude towards them and their situation. When you start to rattle off about how you were wronged and how it impacted your life, highlight the weakness in your life. Draw attention to how you reacted and responded, because that’s important.

You can share your story without blasting the people who hurt you. 

I read a verse yesterday, a common verse that I have read, probably a hundred times over. But this time, this time when I read it, it hit me a little harder than it has in the past:

“Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”

Romans 12:18 NLT

You see, I want so badly to get along with the people in my life, that in my attempt to do so, typically I sweep a lot under the rug. If I can avoid confrontation, then I’m going to avoid it because I don’t want the headache. I don’t want someone to feel the way I feel. I don’t want someone to feel less than the way they already feel, or should feel. I don’t want someone to think less of me or to see me in a bad light if I bring up hurt or fears or pain. 

So, the few people that I vent to are just that—A FEW. And those friends, will likely never really see the confrontational side of me because I want to stay friends with them. I want them to like me and I don’t want them to see a side of me that they wouldn’t like.

And for the record, if we’re being super honest here on paper, those friends have all seen a side of me that they don’t like. I’m not stupid. I know the imperfections that I have and the pitfalls that I tend to fall into. 

Just avoiding confrontation isn’t the answer. I know that sweeping the hard stuff under the rug so that nothing ever gets worked through is not the answer. But, I do it anyway because I want to live at peace. 

But you know what happens when I sweep it under the rug? Everyone else experiences peace except for me. I lose my peace because I’m the one who keeps tripping all over the objects that have been stuffed underneath that rug. 

So, what’s the answer? How do we deal with confrontation and people who hurt us? How do we live at peace with those who we feel like have wronged us?

Well let’s talk about that. Next time. For now, if you are struggling with getting your feelings or thoughts out, I want you to know that I want to hear from you. Because, how you feel is important. You have a voice and it should be shared with the world. God can use the very thing you are struggling with to help someone else who you may not even know. BUT, and this a BIG BUT: I want to encourage you with words from James, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (James 1:19). PLEASE be slow. Be slow in how you think through sharing your thoughts and how you attempt to think through conveying what it is that’s on the inside trying to come out of you.

So today, I am praying for you that you would have the courage to bring what’s inside to the outside. I’m praying (and this is a prayer for myself here) that you (I) would be quick to listen to the Holy Spirit and slooooooow to speak. That our words would be words of hope and encouragement, words that bring life to dying situations. And that the Lord would use our words to build others up in a world where so much is working against that philosophy. 

There’s hope for you today.