I grew up in the late 80’s and 90’s when Nickelodeon and TGIF were basically life… When Hello Kitty, Trapper Keepers, Slap Bracelets & BFF necklaces were all the rage. If you know, you know.
Can we talk about BFF necklaces? In case you’re too young to remember, or you just can’t remember, I’ll explain. It’s really simple. You keep one half of the heart and give the other half to your BFF and when you’re together, they make a complete heart… Because, your BFF has the other half of your heart.
Wowww… Let that sink in for a minute.
I couldn’t even have a boyfriend, but I could give half of my heart away to my best friend, who, let’s be real, I haven’t known very long and as a result may eventually tear up my half, stomp all over it, and discard it like it never meant anything to her…
Not that that ever happened. But it could!
Okay, who am I kidding? Maybe it did really happen once… Or, quite a few times.
But honestly, overall, I had some really great friends growing up and I still do today. Emphasis on the “really good friends” part. Friends who always knew the right things to say and wrote the best notes and knew the best way to fold those notes up so that no one else would see them when they got passed in class or handed off in the hallways.
Like these friends must have somehow mastered all the Origami folding techniques when I was learning to tie my shoes… And they KNEW that if a teacher spotted a folded origami, they would get so distracted by the precise folds that they wouldn’t dare open it up to read the note.
Solid friends, guys.
I love what the Bible says about friendship:
“A friend loves at all times.”
Proverbs 17:17 NLT
I have personally experienced this with the friends that I’ve had over and over and over again. Friends who love me through all my crap, all my inconsistencies, when I fail and when I win. I have had some great friends who have displayed a Proverbs 17:17 type of love. An, “at all times,” type of love.
You don’t find that in many people.
People are quick to write others off…
…to dismiss you because you disagree or believe something different…
…to say, “forget you,” instead of “I forgive you” …
This isn’t how it should be.
Friends should be able to overcome offense, work through disappointment, and celebrate others better.
We should be working towards an attitude that loves at all times.
This is huge! And listen, I get it. I’m emotional. I’m selfish. I’m an introvert. I enjoy time at home alone with my husband. I don’t have extra money to just go out to dinner. I don’t typically enjoy shopping.
Personally, and I’m gonna be pretty honest here, I struggle with this one… to love at all times.
I’m glad that BFF necklaces went out of style in 5th grade because:
1. They’re kinda cheesy, and,
2. It’s a real struggle to trust parts of my heart with friends…
It seems like the older I get, the harder it is to actually keep friends. I mean, sure we might be friends on social media, or in some instances, we’re not even that anymore. (Which makes me honestly wonder, if we ever really were friends in the first place; but, that’s probably a topic for another day.)
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me…
Maybe it’s just due to the position that I’ve had in the “church world,” where people leave the church and they leave your life… Or, they struggle with their faith and instead of trying to work through those questions, they bail on you. And, I get it, faith is a tough thing to wrap your mind around.
Now, I feel like I should add something somewhat profound here: You can stay friends with people who leave your church. I know this may come as a real shocker, but it’s true. You can actually still rejoice with those who leave your church. You can still grieve with those who leave your church. You can stay friends with people who leave your circle at church. You might even be surprised to find out when you get to Heaven by how many people who have left your church are actually in Heaven too!
And yes, I know everyone is busy doing their own thing, living their own life. And staying friends requires time. It takes effort. There’s a lot going on in our world today.
But, can I just remind you that the people in your life matter to God, and they should matter to you, too. Your friends need an “at all times,” type of love from you.
Regardless of how busy we get… or how caught up we get in the political movements happening around us… or sucked into the newest, binge-worthy show on Netflix… There are people in my life and in yours that need friendship. And I’m not talking about that BFF necklace here.
Your friends don’t need your half heart from a necklace, they need “at all times,” heart from you.
And I don’t know, maybe this isn’t even realistic. But I mean, I feel like if the Bible calls us to something, we should at least try to walk it out. Even if it’s hard, or it takes a lot out of us, or makes us look weird to the rest of the world.
I saw something recently and it said this: “Nobody talks about Jesus’ miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30’s.” And, lemme just say, when I saw that, it hit me like a TON of bricks!
I’ve been in a few different roles in ministry over the last 13 years and I have gotten to know quite a few people. Many of which, are my friends today due to the incredible opportunity I had as we partnered with their church at one point or another.
Let me also take this opportunity to say that my church friends have always been the best friends that I’ve had. They are the ones who have stuck with me the longest. The ones who have had my back when others didn’t. The ones I know I can call or text, (jk no one calls anymore, except for my mom) anytime and I mean, anytime that I need something.
Often, those of us in the “church world,” refer to Jesus’ 12 close friends as those who He ministered to because that’s accurate. They were his disciples, but if we’re being honest, they were also his posse, his homeboys, his crew, his friends, his best friends. And there were 12 of them.
I struggle to maintain a relationship with 5 close friends right now! F-I-V-E. I can’t even imagine 12 close friends. But, Jesus had 12 close friends that he spent A LOT of time with. You better believe that Jesus displayed an “at all times,” type of love.
Jesus taught his friends. He rested with his friends. He rejoiced and grieved with them. When they struggled with their faith, and yes, his disciples struggled with their faith, he didn’t kick them to the curb. When his disciples messed up, He didn’t beat them up and then abandon them to figure it out on their own.
Jesus was the greatest example of what a friend should be. He displayed an “at all times,” type of love.
I don’t know who has disappointed you or let you down. And, equally, I don’t know who is in your life that needs an “at all times,” type of love. But what I do know is that this is who God has created us to be. This is the type of friend that God has called us to be to those around us.
We are called to be a friend who loves at all times. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly. When it’s easy to love and when it’s challenging. When it feels safe to love and when you’re unsure HOW to love, love ‘em anyways.
So, maybe all you need today, is a small reminder to keep going. A small push, to keep loving people. Regardless of how busy you and they are, keep displaying Jesus’ love.
So, listen, in response to disappointment, in response to being let down, can I just encourage you to continue to keep on loving at all times. Not for you and how you feel but because God has called you to show up in your friends’ lives with an “at all times,” type of love.
And, so today, I just want to pray a short, simple prayer for you. I pray that the Holy Spirit would remind you of someone in your life who needs you to show them a love unlike the love they’ve been shown from anyone else. And likewise, I pray that the Lord would bring friends to you who are invested in displaying a Biblical love to you.
There’s hope for your friendships today.