I grew up in a single-parent home. I’m the youngest of four and my mom worked a lot. She was good about always providing for us, making sure that we had everything that we needed. Most of the time, she worked two or three jobs at a time to cover everything. 

My favorite days were my mom’s days off. The rest of the kids were older, and they slept late. Because I was so young, I would get up early and would head out with my mom. We called it, “cavorting.” Usually, it was just the two of us and we would go to fun little shops like January’s, which sold paint and wallpaper. We would look at wallpaper for hours, and visit other little shops, usually just “browsing.” And those days out would almost always end with a Happy Meal from the golden arches, which really upset the sleeping teenagers at home. 

As I grew older though, I hated being at home. I would come home from school and immediately want to go play at someone’s house, or go get something to eat, or go to the mall. ANYTHING to get out of the house. 

However, it seems like in recent years, after getting married, and the busier that we have become, the more I want to stay in. I don’t know if it’s an “it-comes-with-age” kinda thing, or if maybe it’s a “personality” thing, or possibly just a “busy-season” kinda thing, or maybe it all really boils down to an “anxiety” thing. But, either way, I enjoy time at home. 

I love thinking back to those days being young and cavorting with my mom. Occasionally I can even talk my husband into going cavorting with me. But usually, I just want to hang out at home. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out with people, and I love having people over, but what I’ve found is that sometimes I have to force myself to get out of the house. And by “force,” what I mean is that sometimes there is a real struggle inside of me that wants to be around people but also doesn’t want to deal with people. 

If you’re an extrovert, you likely cannot relate to this at all. I’ve taken a couple of personality tests and I score right on the introvert/extrovert line. So for me, some days are really easy to leave the house and some days are really hard.

I’m sure that you’re probably wondering what the point of all of this is, and I promise I’m getting there. I want to show you what God’s word says about those of us who get stuck in seasons of isolation. 

Maybe for you, these are very real battles that you’re facing, and being around people has become very difficult for you. And, even for the introvert in me, the isolation that COVID-19 forced us into has been extremely challenging. 

Look at this:

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”

Proverbs 18:1 ESV

If someone were to ask me to describe myself, I would never say that I seek out my own desire. Now I’m sure that if you were to ask my husband and some of my close friends, they may say something different. But we’re not doing that right now…

But come on. Think about this for a minute: “Whoever isolates himself, seeks his own desire.” Wow. 

Have you ever thought about the impact that you have on others when you isolate yourself? 

Cause, I gotta be honest right now, I can’t say that I ever have. I mean sure, I feel bad sometimes. But I’m not sure if I really feel bad about saying no to the invites, or if I feel bad because I look bad by saying no, or if it’s because the Holy Spirit is nudging me to change that part of me.

Another translation of this same verse says it like this: 

“Unfriendly people care only about themselves…”

Proverbs 18:1 NLT

Unfriendly? I would never say that I’m unfriendly! Come on! But, as I examine myself in light of God’s Word, I MUST always be ready to ask myself some hard questions. 

Am I really selfish? When I choose to isolate myself, am I thinking only of myself or am I thinking about the people that God has called me to do life with?

Isolation is selfish. And, I know that’s hard to hear (or read) because it’s hard for me to even type. 

Let’s look at it like this. 

Am I really unfriendly? When I choose to isolate myself, am I really only hurting myself, or am I hurting the people that God placed me in relationship with?

Isolation is unfriendly. God’s Word has a lot to say about friendship. This is just one example:

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

While I’m home worried about myself and how I feel, there are people in my circle who need my friendship, in the same way that I need theirs. 

God has called us to do life with others. When I choose to pass on an invite with friends, I am not living out the call on my life to live in community with others. I’m living for myself. I’m living selfishly. 

You have something to offer the people that God has placed in your life. You have stories to tell. You have encouragement to give. You have hope to offer. You have strength that someone may need to lean into. You have jokes to brighten up someone’s day. 

And I’m going to say something hard here…

When you and I choose selfish isolation, we are robbing our people of the very thing that God has placed in us that they need from us.

I get it, some days just seem like they’re too hard to get out of the house. I know what that’s like. I know what it’s like to want to crawl back into bed and stay there until the sun comes up the next day because of the hopelessness that I’ve experienced. 

I also know what it’s like to feel so insecure that I’m afraid of how dumb I’ll look and feel if I say something dumb. Because I will inevitably say something dumb. It’s like, I might as well walk around with my foot already inserted in my mouth because it’s going to end up there so many times anyway. I have a real case of “Foot in Mouth” disease. So, why go? Why hang out anyway?

Let’s look back to a chapter in Proverbs where the author explains:

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

Proverbs 17:22 ESV

Listen, while I’m being honest, can I just say on record that I’m guilty of focusing on the last half of that verse that speaks to my selfishness, to what I might bring to the party when I’m feeling discouraged. I can’t go because I don’t want to be a Debbie-downer. I don’t want to bring everyone down. 

But, can I just tell you that the other side of this is that, when you choose selfish isolation, you are preventing your people from speaking life into you. When you choose to stay in, you are preventing your people from fulfilling the God-given call on their lives to cheer you up. 

When we choose to hide from the world, for whatever reason, we’re choosing selfishness. 

Isolation isn’t just bad for you, but it’s bad for your people. And, it isn’t just bad for your people, but it’s bad for you. 

And, what I mean is that you were created to sharpen and to be sharpened. To encourage and to be encouraged. To lift up your friends in prayer and to be lifted up in prayer. To laugh and to cry with those who laugh and cry. And guys, this happens best in community with others. 

If you’re in a place today where you feel trapped, bearing the weight of isolation, and struggling to break free from it, then I want you to know that I am praying for you. May God encourage your spirit today. I believe that there are people in your life with whom you’ve been called to live in community, who need you as much as you need them. And I’m praying that God would show you who those people are, or remind you who those friends are, that He’s placed in your life. I pray that you would find courage to reach out to your people and that, through community, you can find hope for today.